today i thought i'd talk about my compulsions. a friend asked me tonight what my compulsions were and for some reason i had a hard time telling her. it's not like i don't do them much...i do them quite a lot...i just had drawn a blank. for this reason, i thought i would jog my memory and share about my compulsions.
my main compulsion is hand washing. i will usually wash my hands 50-75 times a day. i wash for the normal reason of cleanliness, but i also wash due to thought contamination. what the hell does that mean? well, basically, when i have a bad thought or touch something i deem inappropriate (could be as simple as accidentally brushing my pants zipper), i have to wash the contamination of that bad thought away. if i think i might be dirty for any reason, even if i know i am so not, i wash my hands. i usually wash my hands at least two times a washing...but maybe more. handwashing is truly my go-to compulsion.
another compulsion i have is to seek reassurance. this is a big one for those with ocd. i no longer fully trust my though patterns at all times, so i will constantly seek reassurance from loved ones. for instance, "you were with me at the mall today, i didn't hit anyone with my car when we left did i?"...or maybe "can you check the faucets, i already did but don't know if they are really turned off"...constant reassurance really stinks, mainly because we know that there is nothing wrong but we don't trust ourselves, because the ocd works to kill that trust.
i will continue next time with more of my compulsions...exhausted from typing one-handed...lol
another compulsion i have is to seek reassurance. this is a big one for those with ocd. i no longer fully trust my though patterns at all times, so i will constantly seek reassurance from loved ones. for instance, "you were with me at the mall today, i didn't hit anyone with my car when we left did i?"...or maybe "can you check the faucets, i already did but don't know if they are really turned off"...constant reassurance really stinks, mainly because we know that there is nothing wrong but we don't trust ourselves, because the ocd works to kill that trust.
i will continue next time with more of my compulsions...exhausted from typing one-handed...lol
Wow, you must go through a lot of soap! I probably don't wash my hands *enough*, but in this cold weather my skin cracks if I wash them too much.
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