Thus, even though I am currently treated for my disorder, I was not treated for OCD until the late age of 25. This is unfortunately due to the facts of my not being aware of there even being a condition like OCD and from previous misdiagnoses from mental health professionals. I am thankful everyday I now have the help I need, but I sometimes find myself a tiny bit pissed, okay maybe a big bit, that it took so long to be helped.
Unfortunately, that is the case for most people. OCD is an extremely shameful disease. Not that folks should feel shame, it is simply that many of us who have OCD feel very, extremely ashamed everyday. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't at some point think I am some horrible, awful person. And many other folks with OCD are just like me. We shy away from getting help. We are scared to talk to those who can help us, for fear they will see this monster that we see. In the end, when we are finally able to get help, most of us can finally see that the monster isn't real. It is just a mask our OCD has created for us. But, that shame, even after being treated for many years, remains. It isn't as strong now. I know it isn't a reasonable shame. But it still remains.
We folks with OCD also tend to not get help until later in life, because we are so unaware of what is happening inside our brains. We know something is amiss, but not the what. We carry out weird, odd compulsions and people give us looks. We learn to cover up the compulsions. Everyday, many of us OCDers carry out compulsions that no one ever sees and that no one ever will see. To this day, my husband who I would tell anything and everything to, still hasn't seen all of my compulsions and probably never will. It isn't because I don't trust him enough to let him see. It is partly because I don't want to stress him with them, and partly because I don't even realize I am hiding them.
Finally, a reason that many of us, despite having good health care professionals on our side and wonderful medications to help us, have a hard time battling our OCD is because it is a constantly evolving disorder. It doesn't stay the same for many of us. What does that mean? Well, for instance, there was a time in my life where I was completely focused on prayers and having to say them exactly right, and an exact number of times, and with the exact words. Then there was another time where things had to be cleaned properly, where things had a proper placement. There have been many evolutions in my disorder, and along the way I have had compulsions come and go and sometimes come back again. And at this time in my life, I have too many obsessions to even list on this post and my compulsions have changed over the last 6 months and my OCD includes fears of praying properly and fears of cleaning properly and fears of how to speak things properly. It evolves all the time, and so many of us have to constantly evolve our treatment.
OCD is a continuous fight. It is a chronic disorder, it does not go away. But it can get better. And it does. If you can just get past the fear and shame, and sometimes the evolutions.
Unfortunately, that is the case for most people. OCD is an extremely shameful disease. Not that folks should feel shame, it is simply that many of us who have OCD feel very, extremely ashamed everyday. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't at some point think I am some horrible, awful person. And many other folks with OCD are just like me. We shy away from getting help. We are scared to talk to those who can help us, for fear they will see this monster that we see. In the end, when we are finally able to get help, most of us can finally see that the monster isn't real. It is just a mask our OCD has created for us. But, that shame, even after being treated for many years, remains. It isn't as strong now. I know it isn't a reasonable shame. But it still remains.
We folks with OCD also tend to not get help until later in life, because we are so unaware of what is happening inside our brains. We know something is amiss, but not the what. We carry out weird, odd compulsions and people give us looks. We learn to cover up the compulsions. Everyday, many of us OCDers carry out compulsions that no one ever sees and that no one ever will see. To this day, my husband who I would tell anything and everything to, still hasn't seen all of my compulsions and probably never will. It isn't because I don't trust him enough to let him see. It is partly because I don't want to stress him with them, and partly because I don't even realize I am hiding them.
Finally, a reason that many of us, despite having good health care professionals on our side and wonderful medications to help us, have a hard time battling our OCD is because it is a constantly evolving disorder. It doesn't stay the same for many of us. What does that mean? Well, for instance, there was a time in my life where I was completely focused on prayers and having to say them exactly right, and an exact number of times, and with the exact words. Then there was another time where things had to be cleaned properly, where things had a proper placement. There have been many evolutions in my disorder, and along the way I have had compulsions come and go and sometimes come back again. And at this time in my life, I have too many obsessions to even list on this post and my compulsions have changed over the last 6 months and my OCD includes fears of praying properly and fears of cleaning properly and fears of how to speak things properly. It evolves all the time, and so many of us have to constantly evolve our treatment.
OCD is a continuous fight. It is a chronic disorder, it does not go away. But it can get better. And it does. If you can just get past the fear and shame, and sometimes the evolutions.
aww im glad your my friendxoxo
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